awake this pre-dawn at 4:30 daniel's alphabet project frolicking through my thoughts
get up and pray . . .
pray for what, father?
are jo's babies on their way now at 34 weeks?
are cecilia and daniel all right?
who? what? how? where? when?
get up and pray
does my dad really have reactivated tuberculosis?
will i have time to get my kidney stone blasted before going to brazil?
how will i know if i've contracted tb?
how long will it take for an accurate diagnosis for dad?
get up and pray . . .
father, how do i know when it's you who are restraining?
or when it's the enemy on the prowl?
i want to be in your will, and no place else.
you will keep in perfect peace her whose mind is staid on you.
show me your will, father.
fill me with the knowledge of your will, lord.
passport, plane ticket, visa, language classes . . .
even a glimpse that the trip is about more than the privilege of being present for Daniel's arrival.
tiptoe expectations of seeing you at work.
my plans are rarely about me, father.
are you throwing these events in my path like so many tire-mangling strips on the route of one running from the authorities in a stolen vehicle?
is the prowler batting and nipping at my heels to make me stumble?
i will know in your time.
draw me close to you.
daniel will be born whether i'm in brazil or not.
you are present--that is all that matters.
dad's health is in your care and in your time.
you will reveal what i need to know at just the right time.
my itinerary is your responsibility.
you are the lord of the battle lines
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