No Time Like the Present to Present the Present

I received this in an email from a friend.  Next time I think it's challenging to learn Brazilian Portuguese, I'll remember how complex (read crazy!) my first language is.

Homographs are words of like spelling with more than one meaning. 

A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.

1) A bandage was wound around the wound. 2) Those farms produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A widemouth bass was painted on his bass drum. 9) When shots were fired, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) That insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the row of oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) A buck does funny things when does are present. 15) The seamstress and her sewer fell into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

 

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) Upon seeing that tear in the painting, I shed a tear. 19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? Let's face it--English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads (which aren't sweet) are meat.

Explore the paradox--quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?  If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?  Sometimes I think all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.  In what language do people: recite at a play and play at a recital;  ship by truck and send cargo by ship; have noses that run and feet that smell?! How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?  You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which:  your house can burn up as it burns down; you fill in a form by filling it out; and, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers.  It reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.  That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. P.S.  Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?